Anthropomorphism is a bad thing. I know this because 1) It’s a royal bugger to pronounce. Seriously, try saying it quickly without hurting your tongue or sounding like you’ve just come off a three day bender. I can’t do it. and 2) It leads us to have things created like the front pack carrier for little dogs. That’s just wrong and those that buy it are in fact, idiots. Yeah, I said it. It’s a dog, not a baby, get a life.
For the few of you that don’t know what anthropomorphism is, instead of mocking your lack of knowledge about ridiculously long words, let me just steal the Merriam Webster definition for you. I do this because even though I know what it means, I sure as hell can’t spell it.
Anthropomorphism: an interpretation of what is not human or personal in terms of human or personal characteristics.
Wow, glad we cleared that up. Basically it’s when you put human characteristics on non human things. Think of Beauty and the Beast and the talking clock and tea pot.
There, we’ve all had a language lesson today; everyone feel enlightened? No, bored? Ah, yes, time to get to the point. Anthropomorphism is bad because it leads us to give non-human objects or creatures thoughts they simply don’t have. It’s bad; if not inherently dangerous.
For example, I now have two cats. One angry old man cat and now one adorable young spry 3 month or so old kitten. Said kitten arrived after I sat and watched one two many “Dear Kitten” videos on YouTube. Here is a link to the first one.
How adorable is this?!?!?! The cat is warning the kitten about the dangers of the vaccum. LOVE IT! I wanted this Master/Padewan scenario soooo badly. Think of it. The older, yet wiser cat, sharing the life wisdom of 4 years of his life with the young eager kitten, desperate for knowledge and understanding.` I wanted to see this in my house mainly because I wanted to show my kids that it’s possible and ADVISABLE to learn from their elders. Their father obviously. Clearly the word elder can NEVER be used to describe me. EVER.
I just knew we could have this loving, caring display right in our very home so Welcome Holly! We were all so thrilled about her joining our family. For the purpose of this article I should mention that “We” is in fact defined as the kids and me. “Thrilled” is not the word that Monty cat used. “Thrilled” ends up be loosely defined as a hatred that burns like the fires of Mordor + my hatred of spiders and snakes.
Holly’s arrival has in fact gone over as well as lead zeppelin. A lead zeppelin crashing into the Titanic on the way to the bottom of the ocean. The Apollo space missions had more initial success that we’ve had in uniting the kitty coalition. Monty isn’t dear kittening a miserable damn thing. He just glares at her. Exhibit A:
Look at those eyes. Tell me you can’t feel the animosity coming off of him.
Sasha (Damn Dog), on the other hand, wants to play with the kitten. That’s just great, except that cute tiny Holly hates. Sasha’s. ever. loving. guts. Stupid kitten weighs roughly one kilogram and is strong willed enough to hiss, spit and strike out at the twenty nine kilo dog every time she passes. Not too much grey matter in this kitty. This led to the rather costly “Dog mouths kitten to shut her up, inadvertently punctures lung and kitten almost dies” incident of mid-January. Exhibit B:
Eh, who needed a holiday, school shoes or a college fund anyway? It’s enough for me to know that my vet can now enjoy a month in Fiji after my paying the bill to save the kitten’s life. Now kitten and dog are physically separated as much as possible. That’s easy enough. But where is the older cat and his sage wisdom for the young kitten? Gone. Every time he walks into a room and sees Holly he makes a beeline for the nearest exit. This is the closest I can find them together.
Don’t make my mistake and fall for the videos. Cats are not sage mentors eager to help each other out. They could care less about the village and how it survives. All those cute pictures you see on Facebook, Reddit and You Tube of cat, kittens and dogs mingling together? Photoshop. Remember that. Nothing you see in videos are real. The sanity you save may just be your own.