We’re having a house inspection pretty soon; I can just feel it in my bones. Just waiting for the letter from the real estate agent to come in the mail. While I’m waiting for the notice I’ve been trying to do a bit of maintenance throughout the house and yard. Not too much, just enough to show that we are maintaining the property to the highest blah blah yadda yadda standards.
It’s only the threat of possible eviction that has me up high trying to prune some trees. Surely nothing else would lead me to lean out over the 2nd story balcony and try to trim a branch dangerously overgrown and interfering with electrical wires. Nothing else I can think off.
During my little mission I got another fun lesson on Australia Fauna. It’s been forty eight hours since my last one; clearly I was due. That’s when I learned there’s a bug that looks exactly like a piece of bark. Who knew? I didn’t. That is of course, until it moved and raced with lightening speed towards my hacksaw trying to defend it’s home. Then I figured it rather quickly. I am proud of the fact that the saw landed on the balcony and not down on the ground when I flung it away in terror. I’d like to take credit for having planned that….but we all know it’s a lie. My good friends will accept that lie, the rest of you can just lump it.
No, there’s no drama here, I have other dangerous branches my real estate agent isn’t willing to pay to have removed, I’ll tackle those ones.
Climbing up onto my chair, ’cause just being on a second story balcony wasn’t terrifying enough I needed that extra push into the Shrieking Horror Zone, I brought a chair to stand even higher on which to reach the trees. Oh yeah, eviction is a powerful motivator. I notice the lovely birds gathering around me. Staring the pretty things I suddenly realized that there seemed to an awful lot of them. Five, six, no eight minor birds, collecting themselves in group of branches right next to me. Hmmm, that seems a bit odd. Just as I was spinning (while on the chair remember) they began their birdsong call.
I’m being kind here. Birdsong is not really accurate a description. I’m reminded of the time I went to Brownie camp as a child. There were forty or so of us girls hiking a hill in rural Pennsyvania and the sound emitted when it was announced there was no food brought…well it was a high-pitched wail….the kind that makes your teeth itch. Combining that memory with the sound my darling Tessi bellowed when she learned that Connor had borrowed her dress without asking first….yes….that’s the kind of pain that was shredding my inner ears.
I began to hate those birds. Very quickly. Turns out they were hating something as well. Monty cat came sauntering up along the balcony rail and simply sat at stared at the wailing fowl. I don’t know what he did, but man there are some pissed off birds in my yard. As I like him better than I like the birds I gently encouraged the birds to leave. Since no one was around to rat on me I am labeling grabbing the closest tree branch to the little mob and screaming obscenities until they left as “gentle encouragement”. I’m a real Australian now, I’m allowed to hate the minor birds. Ask around, the only bird more hated is the cockatoo.
After Hitchcock’s muses tore off I returned to the task at hand. I was going to get some branches down. Looking straight above my head I started sawing away with my trusty saw and that’s when I noticed a transparent sleeve looking thing. I think the Latin name is Bigus Damnus Snakeskinus.
I looked at the skin. It’s pretty far up in the tree, it’s within the realm of possibility that I’ve seen t incorrectly. Do snakes even shed their skins in winter here? Regardless, I’m not getting any closer to see what it is. I turned and looked at the branches growing into the wires. I looked all the way down to the grown and wondered….do I really want to risk these branches growing further and risking a possible electrical fire? Am I so frightened by my surroundings that I am willing risk such a danger? What about my desire to appease the real estate agent? Was I capable of throwing that all away?
Obviously, the answer is yes. I climbed down off of my chair, pulled everything inside and sobbed quietly into my tea.
Aussie Mother Nature: 437
My Candy Ass: 0
I’m cool with it.